Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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