both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
