The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
