i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
