Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
