i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
