Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
