Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
