To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
