Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
