Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
