i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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