Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
