Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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