I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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