wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
