I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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