Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
