Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
