it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
