Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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