TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
