dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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