There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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