I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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