Don't make out with my wife yet
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
