He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
