she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
