ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
