went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
