I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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