Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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