is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
