I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
