My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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