just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
