Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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