barbara walters just said penis...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
