How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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