Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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