We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
