I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
