i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
