as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
