I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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