hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
