I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
two words: eviction party
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
