Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How does it feel to date your dad?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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