I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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