Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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