apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
